A poem from a survivor

A beautiful poem that i recieved from a survivor she wrote at age 11, while being abused
The child with in has blood on her hands from banging on the door, no one will
listen no way out into her heart is tore.
like a rose cloaked in darkness by the snow, there is no understanding no love
to help her grow. once a beautiful leaf now crushed and falling to the ground at
the sound of her abusers command.

i wrote this when i was 11 years old...i am a survivor!

Why i want to be your Mrs. OKlahoma Plus America

1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18......i know these statistics are startling but, the reality is that it happens.....and it happened to me.
that is why i have dedicated my life to "Breaking the silence of child sex abuse" and helping adult survivors overcome their past abuse. My goals are not only to educate parents and caregivers on the signs and symptoms of abuse, but to help people understand that most of the time symptoms from this form of abuse dont show up until later in life. syptoms can include Post tramatic sress disorder, OCD, Eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and the MOST DEVESTATING OF ALL: sometimes the victim becomes the abuser

article in the Mustang times on the work that i am doing to break the silence of child sex abuse

Debbie Bunch had not stepped foot on a pageant stage since she was a teenager, but knew the time was right.  After competing in countless pageants as a child, the Oklahoma city woman is again taking center stage.
And this time she's bringing a powerful message with her. As a victim of child sex abuse, Bunch knows the pain many children and adults carry with them and wants to help break the silence.
Child sex abuse is an uncomfortable issue, but its something that affects so many people, Bunch said.
To raise awareness about the issues of child sex abuse, Bunch is making a run at the Mrs. Oklahoma plus America title next month.  As the reigning Mrs. Canadian county Plus America, Bunch has been able to promote her platform, but believes a state wide title would increase her impact.  I have not competed since i was 19 years old and i honestly never planned on it again, it just happened.  bunch said.
I want to get to the state level, so i can get out and spread the message to more people.
Mrs. Oklahoma Plus America is a platform based pageant for married women that wear at least a sz 14w.
 Contestants are judged heavily on the interview portion of the competition, which accounts for 50% of their score.  The women will also compete in evening wear, and elegant pant wear, with each segment counting for 25% of the total score.
Bunch said the Mrs. Oklahoma Plus America pageant is a perfect fit.

Im not interested in parading around in a bathing suit, I want to get my platform out there.  She said.
Its amazing how many people will talk to me now as Mrs. Canadian County plus America, and i feel like this will give me more leverage.
Bunch is hoping her message is heard by adults, who like herself, were victims of of sexual abuse and now suffer from an easting disorder.  she is also interested in helping others who suffer from PTSD and drug and alcohol abuse.
She said that sometimes victims of sexual abuse turn to drugs, alcohol or become an abuser themselves.
It becomes a vicious cycle and we need to help stop it....Bunch said.
"alot of times we help young children that are abused, but not offer help when they're adults and its a lifelong issue."
Bunch believes that the lack of assistance for adults is a major problem.
Along with the creation of support groups, Bunch would like to push for improved access to mental health professionals.  She endured a lengthy battle with her insurance provider before being granted one year of therapy.
It took me 6 months of going through my insurance before i could finally see a therapist.  Bunch said
I think that a lot of people would just give up before they get the help they so desperately need.
Bunch said those counseling sessions helped her talk to her family about her painful past.
the hardest part was telling my family about it, but once i did i felt a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  Bunch said.
The Mrs. Oklahoma plus America pageant is set for may 6th and 7th at the Clarion Hotel and confrence center in Oklahoma city.

For more information about Bunch and her efforts to battle child sexual abuse visit http://www.debbiebunch.blogspot.com/

WHY I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT BREAKING THE SILENCE OF CHILD SEX ABUSE

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys are sexually abused before they are 18.
I know these statistics are startling, but the reality is that it happens......and it happened to me! That's why i have committed my life to "breaking the silence of child sex abuse" and helping adult survivors heal from their past abuse.
My goals are to not only teach parents and caregivers the signs of abuse, but to help others understand that most of the time that this form of abuse wont begin to show symptoms until later in life.

Survivors generally suffer from post-tramatic stress disorder, OCD, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse and the most devestating of all SOMETIMES the victim becomes the abuser.....this is why we have to "break the silence of child sex abuse"

my article in the yukon review

My article in the yukon review:

Editor

A Yukon woman is using her

pageant title as a platform to help

break the silence of child sexual

abuse. Debbie Bunch, Mrs.

Canadian County Plus America

2011, kept hidden for many

years her struggles after being a

sexual abuse victim growing up.

Recognizing that many adults

don’t seek help, Mrs. Canadian

County Plus America 2011 has

started focusing on adult recovery.

“It’s very healing to help others,”

she said.

Bunch called child sexual abuse

“a vicious cycle” as victims can

become offenders themselves

when they become adults. She is

looking to help victims who suffer

addictions like over-eating

and drug and alcohol abuse.

“We need to start healing adult

survivors,” she said. “Until we

can stop the cycle, we’ll never be

able to make an impact on this.”

The Yukon woman is endeavoring

to start a support group in

the Yukon-Oklahoma City area

specifically for adult survivors of

child sexual abuse.

“There are so many people

out there who need help, a support

system ... someone to talk

to,” she said. “We’re in the beginning

stages right now.

“I definitely see a need for it,

and I want to fill that need.”

Starting when she was 10 years

old, Bunch was victimized by

three people - two in her immediate

family and the third a close

family friend.

She kept the abuse a secret for

many years, afraid of the stigma.

“Child sexual abuse has a profound

effect on people’s lives,

often for the rest of their lives,”

Bunch said. “Many suffer from

post-traumatic stress disorders.”

The repercussions of the

abuse led to feelings of low selfworth

and over-eating that con

nSee Silence, page 2
Ccontinued into adulthood. Bunch realizes

-

they turn 18.

Bunch speaks to church and

civic groups, and works with organizations

like the Center For

Missing and Exploited Children

and Court Appointed Special Advocates

(CASA) to get the message

out and break the silence.

She also works with state lawmakers

to develop new legislation

that protects home day cares

from child sex offenders.

The Yukon woman will compete

this May for the title of Mrs. Oklahoma

Plus America. Contestants

are judged on community service,

stage presence and interview.

Bunch encouraged people to

visit her on-line blog at:

www.debbiebunch.blogspot.com.seven boys are victimized before

the trauma she suffered

will mean she’ll “never be the

person I could have been.”

“I didn’t say anything until I was

33,” said Bunch, noting she’s forgiven

her abusers. “I was killing

myself with my food addiction.”

Through therapy and “getting

it off my chest”, Bunch continues

to make progress on her

path to recovery.

Being able to talk openly about

her first-hand experiences has

been “very liberating.”

“It’s been about three years

since I told my family,” she said.

“It was a huge weight lifted off

my shoulder.

“I felt that I carried that burden

so long.”

As Mrs. Canadian County Plus

America 2011, the Yukon

woman’s platform is breaking the

silence of child sexual abuse. It’s

an issue she’s passionate about.

She wants to continue making

a difference for other adults with

repressed memories of child

abuse trauma.

Bunch tells other victims that

it’s OK to speak up about what

happened because “we didn’t do

anything wrong.”

She shared some startling statistics

about child sexual abuse:

* The average child sex offender

has more than 300 victims

in their lifetime.

* One in four girls and one in

meeting with recovering survivors of child sex abuse

Last week i had the honor to sit in with a support group of adult survivors of child sex abuse.  It was a group of men and women, and their stories were so inspiring.....there is a woman in the group who is an accomplished attorney, she was sexually molested by her uncle for more than 10 years.  She suffers from an eating disorder, and is a self confessed over-achiever in every aspect of her life.  There was a man who was sexually abused by his pastor for 5 years....he is also a self confessed over-achiever and suffers from bulemia....although their stories were heart breaking to hear.....thay are also very healing for me....im not alone.

I think that there is a lot of focus on protecting children from child abusers....as there should be, but there is very little help for the children that are abused that grow up into adults and have to figure out how to get past the abuse.  this is another part of breaking the silence of child sex abuse that i want to bring attention too.
the affects dont just stop in childhood they follow the survivor their entire life.

It's Official I am you new Mrs. Canadian County Plus America

5 signs a child is being sexually abused

This is an article for mature adults who have love for children. We need to protect our kids as much as possible. Sexual abuse can take place in any home environment, with any person.

This article will shine light on some of the signs that you can look for when you suspect that a child is or has been sexually abused.

Remember that just because a child is showing these signs, doesn't mean that he or she is actually being sexually abused. Let them be a warning and a reason for you to pay special attention to them.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

things you'll need:

• lots of prayer

1. • 1
     Acts out in a sexual manner:

     This is a very prevalent sign that a child may have been or is being sexually abused. If they talk about their privates or say things pertaining to sex in anyway is a definite sign. Take action immediately.
   • 2
     Seems distant or self-contained:

     They are shy acting when this is not their normal behavior. They may appear to stay in a fetal position a lot and have a sad look. They clam up easily. They are quiet and act frightened.

     Children who have been sexually abused (or abused in other ways) tend to have nightmares, as well. They may get up at late hours, have insomnia or they are scared to go to sleep.
   • 3
     Mistrust(especially in men):

     I say especially in men, because most pedophiles are men. However, there are women out there who have molested and raped children. A child who is being sexually abused will not trust easily. They will be frightened of certain things. They don't feel comfortable around certain people.
   • 4
     Low self esteem:

     Sexually abused children will have low self esteem. This is not to say that if your child does have low self esteem, he or she has been sexually abused. They may have compulsive disorders as well. One example may be over eating.
   • 5
     If you suspect that a child you care about has been sexually abused, pray about what to do. This can happen to any child in any walk of life. Statistics show that 40% of children are sexually abused in America. That is a horrid reality. I can't imagine that in a room full of children almost half of them have been sexually abused. It is time to do something about sexual abuse in our children.

thank you to my mom, for taking the pictures for me....i love you!!

Why i want to be Mrs. Oklahoma Plus America........

Why i want to be Mrs. Oklahoma Plus America........Hi, my name is Debbie and I am the survivor of child sex abuse, i was abused by 2 family memebers and a friends dad for a total of 4 years, as a result i have suffered from different eating disorders from anorexia as a teen ager to over eating as an adult, when i finally admitted to myself that i needed help, i was in my 30's my weight and cholesterol were to high and my daughter turned 10 which is the same age i was when i first recall being abused.
it took 6 months for my insurance company to agree to therapy, i had to go through a battery of physical tests before they would accept that my weight issues were more than something physical.....i went to therapy for 1 year and in that time i made some progress,but then my benefits ran out.   I also decided that i had to do more, i needed to share my experience with others, after telling my family...."one of the hardest days of my life". I now am competing for the title of Mrs. Plus Oklahoma and hopefully Mrs. Plus america, i will use the title to accomplish some goals that i have set for my community, when i was looking for help there were no options other than to find a therapist. What about the people who have no insurance, or the means to pay for assistance. These are the people i want to help, there are no support groups in my state that i have been able to find, I want to help other adult survivors who are still struggling to recover from the abuse that they suffered like me, so that we to can begin to heal the abused child within.

Why i want to be selected as Mrs. Plus Oklahoma

If i am selected as Mrs. Plus Oklahoma i will work tirelessly with my local legislators to introduce and pass bills that protect our children from being sexually abused.  I would like to go into more schools and discuss Good touch....Bad touch, I would also use the title to start a state wide support group for adult survivors of child sex abuse...........did you know that

Thank you to my sponsors in my quest to be Mrs. Oklahoma plus America

Thank you to my sponsors:

Mama Nila, for the beautiful jewelry.....

Secret Rose Photography 479-209-1518 or you can also find her on face book under Secret Rose Photography

Casi Bull independent Mary Kay consultant call her at
405-219-2298

Mandy's Munchkin's childcare center

Deb's Little Darlin's childcare center @www.debslittledarlins.com

M'lisa's Little Angels child care center @ MlisasLittleAngels.net

United providers family child care association @www.uproviders.com

Donna and Harry Walton(mom and dad)

BEING A SURVIVOR

"A victim lives in fear. A Survivor endures. A victim is weak and powerless, paying for what was not her doing. A Survivor has grown strong because she knows the price is not hers to pay, the sin is not hers to atone."

FORGIVESNESS

We are told to forgive and forget ... But I couldn't forgive and I couldn't forget ... Then I realized .. I have a right to remember and I leave the forgiving to a higher being.

help with overcoming adults overcoming child abuse

If you know someone who was abused as a child, either physically or sexually and cant afford help overcoming their past, please refer them to my blog i am trying to get a support group going in Okc for adult survivors of abuse through a great organization called ASCA adult survivors of child abuse
please e-mail me @ debsadoll@cox.net

A healing dream

I had a dream last night........ that i ran into one of the people who abused me when i was a child, he said to me.......".man, you got fat".......instead of crying and running the other direction like i probably would in real life, i looked him straight in the eyes and said " i am glad that you find me ugly and fat, its because of you that i am overweight, i dont want anyone to look at me the way you did, it makes me sick !!  My weight will ensure that no one will ever hurt me again.................
then i went on to say I cant lose this weight because if i do then you will think that im ok now, and that what you did to me did not effect me like it did..............because what you did to me was life altering, i will always be changed, and i will never be the person i would have been if i had not been molested by you.
wow, i woke up in tears............is this really what i believe deep down? who knew that your dreams are sometimes just what you needed to know so that you could keep healing the inner child that forever feels trapped as a victim..............i hope that my story although deeply personal will help others understand that even though the abuse happened a long time ago, it is something that we continue to work through

February

I have had some big successses with my weight loss this month, i have recently lost 32 lbs, and i feel great!!
this is also Go Red for Women Month, and Heart disease will kill 1 in 3 women, another reason that i am glad to be taking care of my heart.  Heart disease runs in my family and by being overweight this puts me in a higher risk category, and i want to be here to see my children grow up and my grandkids.

I am finally at a place in my life where i am happy with who i am, and losing or gaining weight wont change that, it will however help me to live a longer, healthier life and it will help me achieve my dream of competing for the prestigous title of Mrs. Plus Oklahoma, and getting my message of child sex abuse out to a bigger audience.

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.  ~Flavia Weedn, Flavia and the Dream

speaking on my story of survival of child sex abuse

This last week i spoke at a daycare annual training about my personal story of being abused as a child, it was the hardest thing i have ever done, hands down, but it was also very healing.....i made it almost halfway through before i broke down , and there was a point that i almost could not go on, but i managed with God's help to finish and say what i needed to say............I am very proud of myself for having the courage to do this. it was the first time that i have shared my personal story of survival and i really think that my story will help others, i had two women talk to me after and they said that they went through the same thing.
i will continue to speak out against sexual abuse against children..........i may not have felt like i had a voice as a child, but i will no longer suffer in silence................